Howl
by Ava Miranda Dakedavra
Summary: Sirius Black is nineteen, practically at the prime of his life, fighting Death Eaters and helping the war effort. His mother - who, of course, only wants the absolute best for her family - has found the seemingly perfect girl for her eldest son to marry. "Tell me, what would my mother say if she found out you were a - ahh...?" "Mudblood? Oh, I'd quite like to find out."
1. Somewhat of a Prologue

**AU, because Sirius is still in the family at nineteen, but is fed up with it. **

**I'm on a Florence + the Machines/Imagine Dragons/OneRepublic kick. So the chapter titles and such will probably sound something like their songs.**

* * *

He'd had enough crap with his family as he grew up. It started getting bad before he went to Hogwarts, but once he got Sorted it seemed like some sort of doorway had opened up. The only reason he was probably still around was because of his grandmother, Irma, as she had gotten a cane somewhere around his sixth year and threatened to drag him back by the ankles with it after a good whollop over the head. His uncle Alphard seemed to be the only one who would listen, and they got quite close over the years, and even at nineteen he was still very close to Sirius. Regulus wavered between Sirius's views and their family's, and so some days Sirius got quite tired of him, but most he would remind himself that Regulus was younger and therefore would have to be taught.

His cousin Andromeda had his highest respect and admiration, as she had ran off and married a Muggle-born, Ted Tonks. She'd promptly been blast off of the tapestry, but Sirius wrote to her every week as she used an assumed name. She'd had a baby girl and named her Nymphadora, and Sirius had said "it seems as if you want her to get teased." Everyone else thought he was writing someone from the Ministry, where he worked as an Auror with James Potter, his best mate and former flat mate.

James had asked him if had wanted to move in together after Hogwarts, and Sirius had jumped at the chance. It was great while it lasted, but then Lily had to go and say 'yes' to his marriage proposal and that was that. They had both insisted that he could stay, but he'd sat them down as if they were children learning about a very important subject and stated that they were a new couple and therefore would enjoy the time alone. Also, Lily would probably annoy the hell out of him and he'd start to hate her if he lived there. So he packed up again and lived in a small flat closer to their friend Moony's little patch of woods.

He went to Grimmauld place once a week, every Sunday, playing the good proper eldest son and grimaced through ravings about Muggles and blood purity and – worst of all – if Voldemort had the right idea.

He hated everything Voldemort stood for. He hated everything he did and would've done anything to take him down. He'd joined the Order of the Phoenix, and he and James – in all of their Gryffindor glory – decided to get tattoos to commemorate the occasion. Remus and Lily had laughed and chided the two while Peter grew pale at the idea of needles going after him. It'd stung for a month, but he usually kept it hidden by his shirt or some sort of charm when he went without one. It was a pretty useless idea, actually, as no one was supposed to know about the Order anyway.

Anyway, he'd been filling out paperwork – or, really, ignoring paperwork – at the Ministry when a letter from his mother swooped in and landed on his desk, the owl taking flight and departing out of the window as Sirius groaned across the wall to where his friend was stationed.

"What's the matter now?" James asked dully, used to spontaneous outbursts from his friend whenever paperwork was involved, as he'd dealt with it for about nine years.

"Letter from the Wicked Witch of the West herself," Sirius sighed, ripping it open and staring at it dully.

_Dear Sirius, _

"Nope, it's from Reg," he corrected with a hum, "Mother dearest always starts her letters off with 'listen here you unfortunate offspring of mine.'"

_Dear Sirius, _

_We've had a bit of a commotion this past week, which you'll more than likely hear about tomorrow _

"Shit, is today Saturday?" he questioned, ignoring James's chuckling.

_Dear Sirius, _

_We've had a bit of a commotion this past week, which you'll more than likely hear about tomorrow, but I thought it best to give you a warning. See, Grandmother Irma and Uncle Alphard were walking along Knockturn Alley and found a girl lying in a dead-end street. She was covered in bruises and cuts and so they brought her here. She wouldn't wake up for three days, and Mother nearly had a fit because she didn't know who she was, but she doesn't look at all familiar so she couldn't have gone to Hogwarts._

_Anyway, she woke up a couple of days ago. Her name is Hermia Delacour, from France, her brother is married to some half-Veela woman, but she graduated one of the top of her class and hardly has an accent. She'd been walking along Knockturn alone the night before and someone mugged her, the only thing she had left on her was her wand._

_See, the reason I'm warning you about all of this, is because Mother has arranged a marriage between you and her._

"What the _fuck?" _Sirius crowed, gaping at the letter as James walked over to his side and read over his shoulder.

_I tried telling Mother that you wouldn't like that at all, and even Hermia protested, stating that she didn't even know you, but Mother is hell-bent. I figured you would need a day to get it all out of your system before properly meeting her. Honestly, if all you're worried about is looks, I think it'll be fine. We've talked some, and she is extremely smart, but I can't tell how well you two would get along just yet. In any case, you'll meet her tomorrow._

_At least try to behave,_

_Regulus_

"Holy _shit_, can she do that?" James questioned, gaping at his paling friend. "I mean, don't you get any say at all?"

"Not in the Black family," Sirius croaked.

"C'mon, there's got to be some law against arranged marriages, we can get them," James urged, already standing and moving to some legal books that were mostly there for decoration.

"I've looked before, it's still in the process of being passed," he said as he rubbed his eyes, "By the time it's illegal, I'll have five kids."

James was silent for a while. Sirius had dated a lot during school, and never really stuck around with any girl longer than two weeks. They never held his interest and he got bored of them during that time. But still, this was all quite unfair to him, as he should at least have some say about who he was to spend the rest of his life with. He was then very thankful for his parents and Lily, but felt guilty for some strange reason.

"At least she's pretty?" he tried, wincing when Sirius groaned once more, thunking his head against his desk.

"What's a matter, Black, can't handle paperwork?" Moody grumbled as he passed.

"Actually, sir, his mother has just arranged a marriage for him," James answered.

Moody stopped, turned and blinked once or twice at them before sighing, "It was bound t' happen. Surprised you made it this long."

"You were expecting this?" Sirius crowed.

"Your family is all about arranged marriages," he shrugged, "You didn't know that?"

"Well, I'm glad someone else knows about my family more than I do," Sirius declared.

He had no idea that there was someone who knew even more.


	2. Black Balloon

_"__Baby's black balloon makes her fly/I almost fell into that hole in your life/And you're not thinking 'bout tomorrow/'Cause you were the same as me." _ - "Black Balloon," Goo Goo Dolls

* * *

The house creaked and shifted, as if it were as old and decrepit as the outside showed. They should probably at least make the front porch sturdier, as he felt that he would go through one of these days and would get a large splinter running up his legs and they'd have to amputate and he'd have so many pirate jokes that he'd just off himself so he wouldn't have to deal with it.

The inside, aside from the blood purity that was evident in the frames and plaques and such that hung upon the walls, was nice and pretty to look at. There were different shades of blue in most of the rooms, with dark hardwood flooring throughout the entirety of the house. There were different ornate things that rested places, and during his childhood Sirius had felt that he lived in a museum rather than a house. The only place he loved was his old bedroom, which couldn't be changed no matter how much magic and effort the rest of his family tried. It screamed out that there was a Gryffindor in their midst, the black sheep of the Black family, and it screamed it proudly and loudly, just like their House during Quidditch games.

"Sirius! Oh, Darling, I'm so glad you could come!"

Walburga Black, despite her horrid first name, was admittedly quite beautiful. Her graying hair was pulled up into a messily styled sort of up-do, and her makeup was minimal. She wore casual dress robes, and actually looked warm and inviting for once, as if she would accept a hug. If Regulus hadn't warned him the day before, this would've sent alarms and signals throughout his brain.

Sirius's father, Orion, seemed crisp and clean and rather angular. His suit, shoes, cheekbones, everything seemed to come to a point on him. Sirius had seen old pictures of his father, before the goatee and perpetually raised eyebrow, and he could see how someone might mistake him for a softer, laid back version of his father. Sirius was currently dressed in black Muggle jeans where he couldn't remember the last time they'd been washed with a chain hooking from one belt loop to his back pocket, boots, and a leather jacket over a gray t-shirt. Sirius and his father obviously didn't agree on many things.

"Regulus warned him the day before, Dear," Orion pointed out, a small smirk on his face as he took on Sirius's tired look, slumped shoulders, and pale face. "That looks seems far too familiar for him to not have known beforehand."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Walburga questioned with a glare.

Orion glanced up at the ceiling, choosing to ignore her question, "Ahh, it seems that Hermia and Regulus are getting along."

Sirius listened as well. There were two laughs coming from upstairs, one being his kid brother's, the other being feminine and sounding quite happy. Dread seeped into his stomach and he felt as if his throat had just closed up.

"She really is lovely, Sirius," Walburga said, straightening his clothing, as if he were twelve and had just gotten it all rumpled up. Really, all of his clothes were like that. "She is sweet, and kind, and extremely well put together, and extremely bright. Her brother and mother have agreed to the marriage and are coming out in a month or two to meet us all before any plans are set."

"Well, it's nice to know that at least I have a month or two before I'm forced to spend the rest of my life with some stranger," Sirius huffed as Walburga stood on her toes to reach his hair.

"Oh, don't be like that," she glared, "Just put on a happy face and go meet her." And with that, Walburga walked off, chin held high and a purpose in her step.

"Honestly, Sirius, if I were your age, I would certainly not be complaining," Orion gave a half-grin before walking off after his wife.

Sirius took a deep breath and gripped the railing, shutting his eyes and taking a step before squawking when he tripped and stomped his other foot on the step above the one he'd tripped over. He opened his eyes and blinked at the noise he'd made before he heard footsteps and looked up to see a very wide grin looking down at him.

Regulus may have tried to play sophisticated during school, but as soon as people found out he was Sirius Black's younger brother, that went right down the drain. Some days Sirius would follow his younger brother around and make comments on his conversations. It was on these days that Regulus would find himself doubled over in a dark corridor, trying very hard not to laugh loudly as his older brother bounced on his toes in delight, glad to see the stuffy, stern Regulus turn back into his kid brother Reggie.

"Sirius!" Regulus exclaimed before practically hopping down the stairs, reaching the landing the same time he did and hugging him, pulling away with a grin, "See, aren't you glad I warned you?"

"I'd be having a panic attack right about now if you hadn't," Sirius grinned back.

"Oh, Hermia, come on and meet Sirius," Regulus said, looking up as a young woman faltered from coming down the steps. Sirius stiffened and watched as she walked closer and closer to him.

She had a pale, heart shaped face, with big blue eyes and dark brown hair in soft curls. She smiled politely before offering her hand to Sirius, although it resembled much like the metaphorical knife that was being used to stick into him repeatedly. Palm and fingers straight out, thumb pointing upwards. She had tiny hands though. "Pleased to meet you, Mister Black."

He shook her hand and arched an eyebrow at her. He blinked when he found that she looked far more panicked than he did. What all did Regulus tell her about him?

To lighten the mood, Sirius gave one of his trademark cheeky, charming grins and gave a low bow, "The pleasure's all mine, Miss…?"

"Delacour," she answered, "Regulus has told me an awful lot about you."

"No wonder you looked as if I was a serial killer," he sighed as Regulus snorted and rolled his eyes, "Honestly, I'm not as bad as everyone says."

She arched an eyebrow back at him, "I'm not quite sure what you're referring to, Mister Black."

"I don't think anyone is," Regulus muttered before coughing when Sirius shot him a rather nasty glare. "Ahem. Well, I'll leave you two to get acquainted. See you at dinner!" And with that, he practically sprinted back up the stairs and up into his room.

"Oh! Your younger brother certainly is awful!" Hermia said, wrinkling her nose after him as she frowned. Sirius grimaced up at his brother's door.

"He has moments," he muttered.

They talked up until dinner. Or, rather, they sat there in an awkward silence until dinner. They talked some, in the beginning, but other than that the awkward took control for the majority of the time. At dinner, far more questions were thrown at her, as Irma, Pollux and Sirius's Uncle Alphard were there.

"And tell me, Miss Delacour, how far back can your family be traced?" Pollux questioned.

"Oh, I'd say about as far back as…well, I was going to say the Revolution, but the French have had so many, I should elaborate," she smiled prettily, "Further back than that short emperor who thought it was wise to attack Russia, I'd say."

"Good, good," Pollux seemed pleased with this answer.

"And, tell me, what do you think about women's rights?" Irma questioned.

Hermia froze and looked as if someone had just pointed a wand at her with a very awful curse on the tip of their tongue. She cleared her throat and took a deep breath before answering, "Well, in all honesty, I believe that women do not get as much credit as they should. They are mothers, sisters, daughters and wives of powerful men, and they have helped to shape those men to be that powerful. I admire any culture that supports equality between the genders. As my sister-in-law says, behind every great man, there is a woman telling him how to be great."

Irma chuckled and smiled at her, "Oh, I quite like you."

Hermia seemed very pleased with this, "And I like you too."

"Now, tell me, Hermia," Alphard began slowly, watching Sirius out of the corner of his eye, "Your views on the Dark Lord?"

Hermia seemed to pale and she bit her lower lip, casting her eyes to her plate, "Our family does not wish to get involved in any way."

"I asked about your views, Dear," Alphard continued politely.

Hermia took a deep breath and shut her eyes before opening them and staring firmly at her plate, making Sirius blink a little, "I believe that there a cultural differences, and each culture has an advantage and a disadvantage. When the Spaniards set to the New World, the Native Americans had a distinct disadvantage. They did not have horses, or armor, or weapons to fight against theirs, and their immune system was not strong enough to fight their diseases. Had the Spaniards thought more about their actions, there would probably be more Native Americans today. They knew the land better than anyone, they could've showed them far more than from when they were slaves."

"Who's the Spaniards here?" Sirius asked.

"Either side, depending on how you look at it," she answered, looking up and locking eyes with him. Something seemed far different from the timid disguise she was pulling. "We all have our advantages and disadvantages."

"Spoken like Switzerland," Orion chuckled, making the rest of the family laugh as well, although Hermia and Sirius continued to have their little staring contest before she looked away and stabbed at a green bean a little too forcefully.

"Hermia's read practically everything there is to read on any subject," Regulus announced.

"Any subject worth reading," she corrected.

"Do you have anything else that interests you?" Walburga asked.

Hermia blinked twice before humming, looking at her silverware, "Not particularly, no." Sirius's eyes narrowed.

As a Marauder, he knew quite a thing or two about lying. Although Hermia wasn't up to Marauder standards, she was quite good, perhaps a little too good for ordinary standards.

"Come in," she said after he knocked on her door, stepping inside and shutting the door behind him as she blinked up at him. They'd put her in probably the lightest room in the whole house, as it had pale blue bedding and light grey walls. He stepped closer to her and flopped on her bed, watching his hands as he twirled his wand.

"That might've been good enough to fool my family, but something's up," he said, "I'd quite like to know."

"Nothing is – "

"Look, Sweetheart," he sat up and faced her, crossing his legs and looking at her in slight amusement, "You're a pretty good liar, I'll give you that, but let's just stop with the make believe and tell the truth."

She stared at him for a few moments in complete silence, but when it seemed that he would wait there until she gave him answers, she sighed and flicked her wand at the door to lock it and the soundproof the room.

"Ooh, must be pretty good," Sirius grinned.

She stood and twirled her own wand, biting her lower lip before looking at him anxiously, "You have to understand that I do _not_ want to marry you. This is not part of the plan, and I'm hoping to leave before that happens."

"Okay," he said slowly, watching as she fidgeted and took a deep breath.

"My name isn't Hermia," she said, "I am not Monsieur Delacour's sister, and I did not go to Beauxbaton's. In fact, I'm not even a Pureblood at all, I only said that to make sure that your family wouldn't cast me out on the streets, because I needed a Pureblood reputation in order for my plan to work flawlessly."

"You keep going on about a plan," Sirius hummed, "Elaborate on that."

"I'm from the nineties, and there was an awful war that we went through two years ago," she stated, "I'm here to prevent that."

"So, wait, let me get this straight," he frowned, "You're from the future?"

"Yes," she nodded.

"Okay, I could've sworn I had water at dinner, and I don't remember drinking that much of it," he patted his face and stared out of the window, trying to remember.

"I'm serious!" she huffed.

"No, Darling, I think I am," he grinned cheekily at her as she glared at him. "So, the plan?"

"My plan involves having a Pureblood status, the Order, and a few bottles of Felix Felicis," she answered.

"The Order?" he questioned.

"Yes – and consequently you, although this wasn't how I pictured our first meeting," she gave a sigh as he looked doubtfully at her. "You and James Potter were the ones who started the tattoo thing. My friends held me down and made me get one in honor of tradition or some other such rubbish. I'd show you, but then I'd be showing you some other scars as well, and we can't have that."

"You have scars?" he asked.

"Of course," she shrugged, "The filthy Mudblood did go through a war, so of course she got scars."

He frowned at her, "I don't care if you're talking about yourself, don't use that word."

"I think I have far more clearance to use that word than you would think," she frowned back. She stopped frowning at him when a curl decided to flop into her face, making her groan and run a hand through her hair, "Of course, you decide to frizz now! At least it wasn't during dinner."

"Is that a different color or am I seeing things?" he questioned, seeing as it had turned to a lighter shade of brown.

"Yes," she said before biting her lip and looking at him warily, tugging her sleeves down to her wrists, "Now, you do understand that if you tell anyone about this, that I am dead, right?"

"Yeah," he nodded, watching as she took a deep breath before waving her wand at her face. The pale skin got a little darker, but was still pale, and freckles appeared along her nose and the apples of her cheeks. Her lips got fuller, and her front teeth grew just a little, and her eyes went from a very pale blue to an extremely dark brown. The rest of her hair lightened and became an unimaginable mess of curls. She watched Sirius carefully as he blinked at her. "You are _so_ lucky my family didn't put Veritaserum in your drink."

She snorted and sat down next to him, grinning, "Tell me about it."

"So you said your name wasn't Hermia," he hummed, looking at her closely, chin in his hand, "What is it?"

"Spoilers," she grinned back.

"Last name?" he asked.

"Spoilers," she sang again.

He frowned at her before grinning back, "Wow. Okay. You're a lot cooler than I thought."

"Why, thank you," she smiled and gave a slight bow, crossing her legs and holding her ankles.

He grimaced as he looked her over once more before smirking, "Tell me, what would my mother say if she found out you were a - ahh...?" Was she a half-blood or Muggle-born?

"Mudblood?" she finished as he frowned at her for the use of the word, "Oh, I'd quite like to find out. Perhaps once this is all over with, we'll see."

"Well, since I have dragged the truth out of you, I will probably enjoy your company much more," Sirius said with a grin as he stood, tipping an imaginary hat to her, "I'll see you at noon tomorrow."

"Why?" she asked.

"Darling," he looked at her pointedly, "If you're attempting to lie with your little plan, you'll need to be taught. Noon, tomorrow, I'll even let you meet some of my friends." He turned on the doorknob and blinked when the door remained stuck, grinning sheepishly to her as she smirked and flicked her wand at him. "Well, so much for a dramatic exit," he coughed before leaving, shutting the door behind him and shaking his head at himself.


	3. Fallen Out of Taxis, Out of Windows Too

_"I've fallen out of favor/And I've fallen from grace/Fallen out of trees/And I've fallen on my face/Fallen out of taxis/Out of windows too/Fell in your opinion/When I fell in love with you…"_ – "Falling," Florence + the Machines

* * *

"Step number one – make peace with your decision to lie. It is fine, it will probably save lives, now get the fuck over it."

Hermione snorted back at Sirius and watched him dully. He'd told his family that he was going to show her his apartment, which seemed to make Regulus and Orion wary, but Walburga beamed and said that it was a wonderful idea. This only made Regulus and Orion gape at one another behind her back as Sirius blinked back at her before smiling. As they were leaving, Hermione asked what that had been about and Sirius had given a lengthy sigh before turning dully back to her, "Mother is not opposed to the idea of grandchildren, let's put it that way." Hermione then blushed so darkly that Sirius noticed and laughed for about three blocks before realizing it was probably safe to Apparate.

Hermione had changed her appearance once she was safely inside his flat and wards were put around it, flopping into his couch and playing dully with her crazy hair while he paced and spoke, her legs held over the arm rest as she lazily kicked them.

"I am at peace," she hummed before mockingly closing her eyes and humming out, "Oommm…."

Sirius watched her curiously for a moment before shaking his head, "Anyway, step two – how likely is it that you will be detected?"

"That's not a step, that's a question," Hermione pointed out, "Anyway, it depends on the turn of events. Right now, highly unlikely."

"How many people are backing you up?"

"The Delacours and however many people are in the Order," she answered.

"Hmm…alright," Sirius said slowly before continuing, "Step three – get your revision of events straight."

"Done," she chirped, tying a curl around her finger, "First thing I did when I got here."

"Well, aren't you a busy little bee," he snorted, rolling his eyes at her as she frowned back at him, "Step four – use your imagination and envision the lie."

"Alright," she closed her eyes, "I am a prissy little Pureblooded porcelain doll, I am a prissy little Pureblooded porcelain doll…." She opened her eyes when Sirius snorted before breaking out into laughter, grinning brightly back at her. He had long, shaggy black hair with grey eyes that almost looked silver. His grin was contagious, and his face was very expressive, and he held himself with confidence. He knew how to school his features and mannerisms to portray something, or to get something that he wanted. For example, he would blink and arch an eyebrow and frown in a comical way when he was confused but didn't want to voice it.

"You're funny," Sirius grinned before thinking back, "Let's see, one, two, three, four…aha, five! Step five – practice your facial expressions in front of a mirror or something to make them look believable."

Hermione grinned and arched an eyebrow back at him, "Have you done that a lot, then?"

He did the look and even tilted his head at her, making her grin wider at him.

"You have a very…expressive face," she chuckled, playing with one of the strings that laced up the light vest she was wearing over a pale orange dress. "It's incredibly amusing."

"Well, I'm so glad that I bring entertainment into your life," Sirius drawled as he rolled his eyes, "Six – think about the details."

"Alright," she nodded slowly.

"Seven – do the opposite of what liars do. Maintain your natural behavior, don't act sketchy or anything, and always make eye contact the way you normally do. Don't touch your face or neck or whatever."

"Well bother," she sighed, picking her legs up and stretching them up to the ceiling, pointing her toes and flexing as she held the dress into place, "That's going to be a problem."

"So work on that, then," he decided before watching her for a few moments, "What are you doing?"

"I have no idea," she grinned back.

"Alright," he chirped before plopping on the couch next to her, where her legs had vacated, "So, is there anything I should know about Hermia?"

"Uhh – not currently, no, seeing as we practically just met," she hummed, "I'd ask Madame Delacour – she used to be an author, albeit one that wasn't so well known, and said that she would think up the plot for my character. I've read a few of her books, she's very good."

"Oh…kay," Sirius replied slowly before shaking his head, "Will I _ever_ get to know your real name, by the way?"

"Whenever we met once again," she grinned cheekily back at him. "After all of this mess is over and done with, and I'm back in my place, after some time you will meet me again."

"Well, that's depressing," he frowned, "You seem to be one of the few girls I can actually hold a decent conversation with."

"Oh? Well, maybe you need to find some more intellectual girls," she quipped.

"How do you know they're not intellectual already?" he questioned.

"Duh, I'm from the future!" she exclaimed before sighing and rolling her eyes, "No wonder you can't find intellectual girls, they're all smart enough to know to stay away."

"Says a lot about you, doesn't it?" he grinned cheekily back, yelping when she dully kicked him off of the couch. "Not nice!"

"Never said I was," she hummed.

* * *

**Sorry I took so long! I went on vacation and got burned!**


	4. One Maniac At A Time

_"__Put on your war paint /Cross walks and crossed hearts and hope-to-dies /Silver clouds with grey lining /So we can take the world back from a heart attack /One maniac at a time we will take it back /You know time crawls on when you're waiting for the song to start /So dance alone to the beat of your heart__" _– "the Phoenix," Fall Out Boy

* * *

"She seems nice enough, really, but…"

"Yeah, she doesn't really seem like anything Sirius would go after, I get it."

Sirius rolled his eyes and poked his head into the kitchen, startling James and Remus as they grimaced and looked especially guilty, "I heard my name?"

"Speak of the devil, and he shall appear," Remus huffed as James coughed into his fist and tried not to look Sirius in the eye as he approached.

"Hey, Padfoot, long time, no see," James grinned. The two had complained excessively when Moody sent them out on different assignments, seeing as they were partners, but complained even more when it was always exceedingly lame jobs. The other day, James had gone to try to convince a fairy that the flowers were not gossiping about her. Sirius had gone to the flowers later that day to convince them to stop gossiping about her. The flowers had then shown their disapproval of his request by throwing buds and thorns towards him. Regulus and Hermia had laughed about that for quite some time.

James and Remus had met Hermia earlier in the night, where she was still in her porcelain doll disguise, but greeted them politely and chatted for a few moments before Mad-Eye had whisked her off. Sirius hadn't been there for their conversation long, as Gideon and Fabian Prewitt had been asking him about his Auror duties, and he'd spent forty-five minutes trying to get them to stop laughing.

"So, I'm guessing you don't like Hermia?" Sirius asked as he hopped up and sat on top of a counter.

"Well, she's really nice and pretty, don't get us wrong, it's just that…" James faltered.

"She just doesn't look like she'd suit you," Remus shrugged. "We don't get how your mother thinks this is a good idea, as it seems as if you'd dislike her."

"I did, initially, until she fessed up and told the semi-truth," Sirius pouted, "I still don't know her name though."

"Ugh, would you get over it?" Hermia asked as she entered the room, dainty look gone and a frown on her face as she walked closer towards the group. She had changed from the dress she'd worn at Grimmauld Place and into jeans and a tank top with a cloth jacket, barefoot and her hair looking somewhat alive. James and Remus blinked at her before sharing glances. "I'm from the future, it'll disrupt the timeline, now get over it." She hopped up on the counter next to him, crossing her ankles and swinging her legs as she ran a hand through her hair.

"Uhh, aren't you here to disrupt the timeline anyway?" Sirius grinned cheekily at her, tugging on a curl.

She swatted him away, "Yes, but I'd rather not implode along the way."

"Well, I could certainly understand that," James grinned. "Imploding does not sound fun."

"No it does not," Remus agreed.

Not-Hermia grinned back, "It is really great to meet you lot though, I can't wait to tell Harry that Sirius is a prat firsthand."

"Hey," Sirius complained, "You're saying that like he has a hard time believing it! I must've gotten soft somewhere along the line."

"Yeah, the time travelling thing," Remus frowned and leaned against the counter opposite hers, "Isn't that kind of…faulty?"

"_Extremely,_" she sighed, "This is two years' worth of research and planning, and this is also my third 'expedition' to the past. In the first one, we accidentally killed off one of our friend's father, thus accidentally murdering him as well, and in the second one, Harry almost got accidentally married to his girlfriend's mother. Luna was not happy with him."

"That does sound extreme," James blinked.

"Trial runs," she waved her hand with a shrug, "This is my first solo run – Luna was not so willing to have Harry meander through the past again, in the events that he actually _did_ get married to her mother."

"Wait, how did that happen?" Sirius questioned.

"Spoilers!" she sang with a cheeky grin as he glared back at her, "No, but really, it was just a botched Polyjuice Potion. No harm. Nearly."

"So, have you met us before now?" Remus asked.

"Oh, no, we had to stay away," she said, deflating slightly, rubbing her arm, "You see, it would've been rather hard on us. We were quite close to a few of you before the Battle began, and – well…."

"Is it hard on you now?" James wondered.

"Oh, no, not _now,_" Not-Hermia said with a soft smile, "Although I can imagine that when I go back, I'll be torn apart for the other versions of you, as I fully intend to have you all live."

"You're going back?" Remus blinked.

"Of course," she grinned, "Like I said, research and planning. It's possible."

"How?" James asked incredulously.

"Spoilers," she stated dismissively as the three boys frowned at her, hopping down from the counter and walking to the living room.

"You're so annoying!" Sirius called out.

"You know you like it!" she called back, making James snort and hide his grin from his friend as he looked over at Remus.

"Okay, _now_ it makes sense," Remus hummed.

"Yeah, I like that version a _lot_ better," James grinned. "I think anyone would."

"Ehh, no, my mother wouldn't," Sirius said before sighing at their curious looks, "She's not a Pureblood. She's collaborating with the Delacours for a reputation as one. Apparently it's part of her plan, which she won't tell me about because of 'spoilers!'" He huffed, glaring at a jar on the cabinet next to Remus, "I _hate_ when she does that. I mean, I'd like to know if I'm going to _die_ anytime soon, is that too much to ask?"

"Yes," she sang as she walked back through the kitchen, stopping and grabbing an apple before frowning at Sirius with her hands on her hips, "Look, I honestly didn't even mean to meet you until the first Order meeting, but then I went and got mugged and your family found me, so I'd like to keep the disruptions to my plan to a very distinct minimum. I'd rather not have to go running around, trying to fix gaps in the space-time continuum! I may have magic, but I _don't_ know how to do that! So just accept the spoilers and leave it the bloody hell _alone_!" And with that, she crunched her apple and walked off once again.

"I like her," Remus grinned after a silent moment.

* * *

"I didn't know girls could join the Order," James whispered to him.

"Yeah, although I wouldn't consider McGonagall and Not-Hermia as girls," Sirius murmured back thoughtfully, "I'm not sure on either one."

"What I mean is – I told Lily she couldn't join because girls couldn't join."

"What? Mate, that's stupid."

"I honestly thought that! And I don't want her joining anyway – she'll get hurt, or I'll be stressed out all the time that she'll _get_ hurt. And then _I'll_ get hurt."

"So, just have her not meet Not-Hermia. Or talk to Minnie at all."

"But she's going to find out eventually."

"Ahh, but not _now_."

"You suck at advice."

"We're in a _meeting_," Remus whispered harshly.

"Moony, isn't it stupid to think that girls couldn't join the Order?" Sirius asked.

"Incredibly, seeing as I'm fairly certain Hermia could kick your ass. Why are you asking?"

"James wouldn't let Lily join."

"I thought it was a no-girls-allowed kind of thing!"

"Shh!" someone hissed.

"James, that's incredibly bigoted."

"Don't use big words we don't understand!"

"Oh, _honestly_," Hermione turned around and whispered to the three as they blinked back at her, "We are in a meeting, in case you didn't know, and Mad-Eye will have your heads if he catches you three. And, while we're talking – that was incredibly sexist and I feel oddly offended. Oh, and I mostly certainly am female." And with that, she turned back around before tensing when she felt someone tug on her hair to have her lean back a little.

"What, don't I get any proof?" Sirius whispered with a grin.

"When I get proof that there's a brain in your skull, sure," she smirked back.

"Oh, come on, Sweetheart, let's kiss and make up."

"Nope, no sign of a brain in there, sorry," she grinned cheekily before pulling her hair out of his grip and sitting normally as Sirius pouted back.

"Worst fiancé _ever_," he sighed, dramatically collapsing into his chair as James and Remus watched him in amusement. "Feel sorry for me?"

"No," they chorused with grins.

"You deserve it," Hermione whispered over her shoulder, smiling a little smugly as Sirius frowned back at her.

* * *

**More exciting things will happen next chapter, I promise. Well, not _exciting_, but…ahh, whatever.**


	5. But They Don't Know Me Yet

_"Settle down with me / And I'll be your safety / You'll be my lady / I was made to keep your body warm / But I'm cold as, the wind blows / So hold me in your arms / My heart's against your chest / Your lips pressed to my neck / I've fallen for your eyes / But they don't know me yet"_ – "Kiss Me," Ed Sheeran

* * *

"Is that painful?"

"Very," she said through gritted teeth, sparing a glance at him as he sat at the foot of her bed, watching her in amusement as she struggled with brushing out her hair. "And if you could lose the entertained look, I'd appreciate it." She ripped the brush out of her hair and gave a small yelp before tossing it on the vanity and glaring at it as if it were its entire fault. Even in her little disguise, her hair was a pain in the ass. True, not as bad as it was normally, but that didn't mean it was like normal, non-threatening hair. She gave a sigh and roughly pulled out a drawer, grabbing a small tub of something before shutting it with her hip, already unscrewing the top off.

"What is that?" Sirius questioned.

"Sleekeazy's," she sniffed before running a large amount of the potion through her hair. "I use half of a tub just to brush it, and then about two tubs just to get it to look like hair."

"Yeesh," Sirius grimaced, "I feel sorry for girls."

"And we hate your guts, fair trade," she hummed, hearing him snort, "I mean, all guys really have to do is brush their hair and not look like a complete slob. I went out in public once – "

"Did you _really_?" he sounded terribly fascinated, "What was that like?"

"Stuff it, not in the mood," she chirped, seeing his grin in the mirror, "In any case, I went out in public without brushing my hair, and let's just say that the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures got an earful that day."

"They _didn't_," he said gleefully.

"Let alone the fact that I'm a well-known war hero, they tried to give my hair a _name_." Sirius looked positively delighted at this point.

"What was the name?" he asked.

"_Caput comedenti_," she sighed, running her hands through the tamed curls, "Head eater."

"They tried to classify your hair as a magical creature that was eating your head?" Sirius seemed inches away from bouncing, "I would've given anything to be there."

"And those poor Department workers would've given anything to _not_ be there," she smirked before grabbing a tube of something and applying the tan liquid onto her finger before smearing that across her face. Sirius frowned and watched as she worked and blended it into her skin. He didn't understand putting in all the effort with makeup to look as if you _didn't_ have makeup on. "By the way, why am I getting ready at an ungodly hour?"

Was five thirty in the morning an ungodly hour? By normal standards, yes, it was, but today he figured Hermia – err, Not-Hermia – god, she needed a nickname and fast – could use the time to prepare herself mentally and physically for what was to come.

"I'll tell you when you don't have weird utensils that I'm eighty percent sure you could kill me with," he muttered, seeing her pause in her task before resuming once she plastered a huge grin on her face to apply a brush to her cheeks.

"That's never good," she said with a frown, one cheek with blush on and the other without. She grinned again and repeated the process before looking around for something and grabbing different little squares of something. "And I'm ninety percent certain that these things could kill me." She held her eye shut with one finger from her left hand and began to go over it with some weird, spongy brush, leaving her lid a light brown before she did the same to the other eye. He continued to watch in silence as she took some kind of pencil and ran it along the edge of her eyelid, dangerously close to her eyeball. Then she got the weird little brush and made her eyes go wide and blinked an awful lot before turning and glaring at Sirius. "What is it?"

He grinned sheepishly at her, "You're meeting my extended family today." Her mouth dropped open and all of the color seemed to have left her face – which was amazing, considering he'd seen her put that color on her face herself.

"You're joking," she muttered, running a hand through her hair, "Please, please tell me you're joking."

"No, I'm serious," he said before tilting his head thoughtfully, "Both ways, I am serious." She groaned and cleared a little spot on the vanity to hit her head repeatedly against. "I know my family is pretty bad, but at least you have the satisfaction of knowing you aren't related to them."

"No, it's just that one member of your family is the mother to the boy who used to bully me at school, and another is the one who tied me to the floor, tortured me, and carved nasty little things into my skin," she blew a curl out of her face and stared at her reflection.

"You were tortured?" he asked, a strange tone in his voice.

Instead of answering, she rolled up a sleeve and held out her forearm to him, not even looking at him as she moved things around on the vanity, apparently hunting something. The inside of her arm was pale, and did not have as many freckles as on the outside portion, and had dark, thin scars that formed the word '_Mudblood._'

"Which one?" he asked thickly.

"No," she responded softly, taking her wand and waving it, to have every inch of her skin be pale and perfect, "You'll kill them."

"Of course I will," he glared, "No one should go through that."

"Well, I'm glad it was me, rather than someone else," she hummed as Sirius blinked at her. "I told you, I went through a war, I got plenty of scars, we all did."

"Can't you heal it though?" he asked.

"Can't," she said in a clipped tone, working carefully to pin her hair. "The blade had dark magic in it. I can't heal it." A curl defied her pinning and flopped over into her face, making her blink at it before sighing.

Sirius felt an overwhelming urge to hug her. She was nineteen, and had apparently been through so much when she was only seventeen. What had he been doing at seventeen? Goofing off. She'd been saving the entire Wizarding World by the sound of it. She couldn't even escape from the war, with all the scars on her arm that didn't even make up the awful word, and she just plunged willingly back into the war, only twenty years earlier.

"Why?"

"Why what?" she asked, having successfully re-pinned the curl.

"Why are you doing all of this?" he asked, standing and crossing his arms over his chest, "You just went through that war, and you just go right back for more?"

"Good people's lives are at stake," she said calmly, still working with her hair, "If I knew there was a way to save them and I did nothing, I would probably kill myself."

"But you _made_ a way to save them, all of those years of research and planning and trial runs," he blinked, "Why? What gave you the idea, the motivation, to do all of this?"

"Shouldn't you be getting ready too?" she asked instead, purposefully ignoring his question. He sighed, rolled his eyes at her, and walked out of her room to go and flop on his bed for a few hours until his cousins came.

As soon as the door shut behind him, Hermione sighed and dropped her shoulders, staring at her reflection in the mirror. In all honesty, she hated 'Hermia,' even though she'd partially created her. Sure, she was beautiful, and maybe that's partially why she hated her. But she hated her because she was just like the Pureblooded girls who had criticized, demeaned and even physically abused her.

Hermione shut her eyes and frowned, remembering how she'd been shoved into the Great Lake in her first year, and how terrified she'd been of the Giant Squid as she tried desperately to crawl out. Nobody would help her, they all stood there and laughed. Oliver Wood finally ran over and helped her out while Lee Jordan and Fred and George yelled at the other girls. It was all before she'd become friends with Harry and Ron, and so Oliver and the three boys gently lead her up to the Hospital Wing as she shivered and coughed and sniffed.

"No," Hermione murmured before looking up into the mirror, "You are not the eleven year old little girl trying to crawl her way out of the Great Lake. You're nineteen, trying to save lives. Get over yourself, Hermione." And with that, she put on a brave face, and continued to pin up her hair.

* * *

Sirius leaned down next to her, noticing the polite smile before he murmured into her ear, "You okay?"

"I'm fine," she answered before turning to Bellatrix and Rodolphus, who had stopped right in front of the two. Rodolphus offered his hand first.

"Well, Sirius, it seems as if you have a fine young woman on your hands," Rodolphus said, surprisingly pleasantly.

"Highly doubt I could do better if I tried," Sirius said with a half-smile, protectively putting a hand on the small of Hermia's back.

"You couldn't," she smirked back before Bellatrix offered her hand. She had dark, wide eyes, her eyebrows thin and arched, her hair was voluminous but straight as could be. Perhaps it got curlier the crazier she got, Hermione thought with the same polite smile on her face.

"Aunt Wally and Uncle Ori are extremely pleased that you're here, Hermia," Bellatrix cooed with a grin, squeezing her hand a little too hard, "Maybe you could work some Pureblooded values back into your husband-to-be?"

"If it were anyone to work something into me, it'd be her," Sirius answered dully. Bellatrix dropped Hermia's hand and regarded Sirius coldly. "What, you didn't think you'd go throughout tonight without talking to me, did you?"

"I had hoped," she sneered before stalking away with her husband to talk to Regulus.

"Please forgive my sister," Narcissa said with a slight grimace on her face. She had pale, almost white, blonde hair, just like her husband's, although hers was in a high ponytail and then rolled into ringlets. Hermione had given up pinning her hair and had simply held it back with a jeweled comb she'd found in her bag, so her hair was nearly touching the hand Sirius had on her back. "She can come off as a little rude at first, but she'll warm up to you, I'm sure of it," she offered her hand and gave her a bright smile, "Narcissa Malfoy, how do you do, Miss Delacour?"

"Very well, glad to make your acquaintance," she answered with a smile to match hers. "And please, it's Hermia."

"Sirius, you were right earlier," Narcissa smirked up at her cousin, "You couldn't do better. It only took your mother to find you the perfect girl."

"If memory serves correctly, it only took your grandmother to find you a man," Sirius quirked an eyebrow as he grinned back, "How desperate were you, Cissy, that you ran to Gram to set her up with one of her bridge women's sons?"

"Shush," she said, smacking his arm playfully, "Hermia's going to think twice about marrying you if you keep going on teasing me."

"Is it thinking twice when you've thought about it at least thirteen times?" Hermia hummed, making Narcissa tilt her head back and laugh.

"Oh, Hermia, we _must_ go out into town sometime, you have a beautiful sense of wit," she grinned, patting her hand as she blinked back at her. Where was the woman that had raised the evil little boy that had tortured her in school? Perhaps she turned into her after giving birth. That certainly made sense.

"I would quite like that," she smiled back.

"Please make sure that Narcissa does not come back with any trinkets that we certainly don't need," Lucius said, making his way back to his wife.

Narcissa scowled at him, crossing her arms over her chest, "They bring life into that dark little house we live in."

"_Little?_" Sirius echoed incredulously, "You have thirty rooms! You're two people living there!"

Narcissa turned her head, frowned at Sirius, then stuck her tongue out at him quickly before her mother could notice. Sirius did the same, although he made a face to go along with it.

"Is it the Black family that's crazy, or just you two?" Lucius questioned.

"Hey, you're married to her," Sirius grinned, bringing Hermione fully into his side, "And we might as well warn Hermia of what she's getting herself into."

"Fourteenth," she hummed, making Sirius turn and glare at her as Narcissa laughed once again. She gave him a sweet smile before reaching up on her toes and pecking his cheek, leaving him to blink at her once before he regained his composure.

* * *

"Dear Merlin, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this," she groaned, running her hands through her hair before she collapsed on the roof. They'd made their way up there long after everyone had fallen asleep, Sirius staying the night as it was so late. "I hate pretending to be someone I'm not. I want to let people know when they say something that offends me, but I just have to smile and act like its okay when it's _not!_" Narcissa and Bellatrix's mother wasn't the most ideal woman, and she questioned everything from Hermione's supposed family. She would have to write the Delacours in the morning and inform them of what was said.

Sirius sighed and ran a comforting hand through her hair before she sat up and rubbed her face, leaving him to rub her back. "You'll get through it, I don't doubt it. And just think, when all of this is over with, you'll be able to call them out on everything. Preferably while you're putting them into jail."

"They're not all Death Eaters," she muttered.

"So?" he asked, grinning when she shot him a look. Since everyone was asleep, and they were just above the backyard, where nobody's bedroom was stationed, Hermione was wearing a tank top and jeans, in her normal skin and hair, and was enjoying the cool breeze that the night brought. However….

_Tell him_.

She bit her lower lip and sighed, bringing her knees up to her chest, and staring at the kneecaps, "You were right, before."

"Hmm?" he hummed questioningly, arching his eyebrows at her.

"Why I'm doing this…" she released a breath and rubbed her arms, staring at a tree that would distract her from looking at him. "I…I was really close to the Weasleys. _Really_ close. Close enough that I was engaged to one of their boys." Sirius's hand stopped on her back. "They'll have a girl, just the one, and she'll be the youngest. If you ask anyone else, they'll say that Harry's my best friend. If you ask me, I'd say it's Ginny and Harry tied, neck and neck. Ginny was sixteen when the war broke out into full swing, out in the open, taking over everyone's lives. We're Gryffindors, the brave House, we're not allowed to be scared. But she was so scared." Hermione rubbed her face, trying to push the images out of her head. "We told everyone who wasn't a seventh year to get out of the castle. That's where the Battle broke out – Hogwarts. We thought she went. We thought she left. She didn't. I saw her and went over to yell at her when Bellatrix came over. She'd Cruciated me and – and hexed Ginny with something_ I_ hadn't even heard of. Fred, one of Ginny's older brothers, was killed. But Ginny…months after the War, she started getting sick. We finally took her to Mungo's and…" Hermione looked up to the sky and blinked rapidly, her breathing getting heavier, "The way he'd said it…he didn't even care. She was _dying._ It was like cancer, but they could've _treated_ cancer. They couldn't treat this, didn't know how to fix it, they just knew she was dying and it would hurt. Harry, Molly and I wouldn't leave. We took shifts staying with her in the hospital. I – I was there. She'd grabbed my hand and looked up at me and she said 'Her – '" she cut herself off and continued on "'Don't let my brothers or Harry do anything stupid. I know that's a built in habit of yours, but still. And don't let Harry get depressed that I'm gone, make him date again, even if he hates you for it – which, he'll think he will, but he won't. And please be happy, no matter what it takes.' I cried for days. After three months I broke off the engagement with Ron. We were still friends, but not as close. I made Harry ask Luna out. Then I started working on this. I got it into my head that I could go back and fix everything by myself; I didn't even care if I came back, so long as everyone was happy and safe and _alive_. Harry and Luna found out and helped me. It's like…I was in some stage of grief. Bargaining, I think. If I can go back, she'll come back. She was _sixteen_. She was sixteen and full of life and she _died._ And so many others – they had all of these hopes for their future and then within a matter of seconds it didn't even matter anymore. Hers took _months_."

"Hey," his hand was on her shoulder and he'd turned her to face him, looking seriously up at her, "This isn't your fault."

"I never said it was my – " she began.

"You didn't have to," he frowned, "It's not your fault that she's dead or that others are dead. The only people whose fault it is the guy who doesn't have a nose and the person who cast the spell or hex or curse. Not you. _Never_ you. You're a brilliant person for coming back to help us, but anyone would understand it if you had stayed back there and became – I dunno – the next famous Quidditch player." She pursed her lips and arched an eyebrow at him. He blinked, "What – you don't like Quidditch?" She gave a quick shake of her head. "Alright – err, what do you like?"

"Books," she muttered softly.

"Well, nobody would blame you if you became the next famous librarian." She snorted softly and he shot her a playful frown, "Shush, you, I'm giving a pep talk. Where was I?"

"Famous librarian," she smiled.

"Ahh, yes, librarian. You want to know why nobody would blame you?"

"Because it wasn't my fault," she murmured.

"What was that?" he cocked his head and put a hand to his ear.

"It wasn't my fault," she smiled, louder.

"I can't hear you," he sang.

"It wasn't my fault," she said.

"Right, it wasn't your fault. However, I, for one, am immensely glad that you're here."

"Why's that?" she asked.

"So I can play with your caput comedenti thing," he grinned, tugging on a curl, beaming when she sighed and rolled her eyes at him. "That, and you're pretty good company."

"Yeah, you're not _too_ bad either," she wrinkled her nose and sat back on her hands, "Could be better though."

"Hey, play nice," he grinned, bumping her shoulder with his.

She chuckled, "I'll try."

* * *

**I almost had it to where Hermione said her name and then I was all "shit shit shit not yet not yet not yet" :|**


	6. Is To Bring You Down

_"I'm bleeding out/ So if the last thing that I do/ Is to bring you down/ I'll bleed it out for you/ So I bare my skin/ And I count my sins/ And I close my eyes/ And I take it in/ And I'm bleeding out/ I'm bleeding out for you, for you"_ – "Bleeding Out," Imagine Dragons

* * *

"Would you – what the _hell_ are you two doing?"

"Staring contest."

There were a few silent moments before Remus spoke up again, "Who's winning?"

"Dunno," Sirius hummed.

"Bloody egotistical sexist bastard!" There was a loud crashing sound, making James and Sirius blink before turning to the noise, where Hermia was walking through and ripping a hand through her hair. "I mean, _honestly_, if he called me 'Doll' _one more bloody time_ – and he snapped at me! Bloody snapped at me and expected me to do his work like some stupid _dog!_"

"Hey!" Sirius spoke up with a small glare, "Dogs aren't stupid!"

"I mean, really, it's as if he was _begging_ to be murdered," she gave a lengthy sigh and collapsed into an armchair, running her fingers through her curls, frowning at the carpet.

"So who deserves to be murdered?" Remus asked lightly.

"Mung-dung-us," she gritted out, her nails digging into the fabric of the piece of furniture. "He does that one more time I swear to God, the Order is going to be short one member."

"God, you're like Lily," James grinned, "He made the mistake of whistling at her once and she ripped him a new one. He still shakes every time he sees her."

Sirius grinned and nodded, "It's hilarious – if you're going to do something to him, can we watch?"

"Please?" James pouted as Remus snorted and rolled his eyes.

"I mean, I've been dealing with all of this discrimination and hate my entire life," she blew a curl out of her face irritably, "I'm not going to stand for that."

"And nobody would blame you, but don't you have to inform these two what you told me?" Remus asked, making her groan and tilt her face to the ceiling.

"Right. We're going on a raid tonight. Tah – " she began to stand, but Remus grabbed her arm and sat her down again, looking at her pointedly as she sighed. "Not so much as a raid as a scouting expedition. We're looking for a ring. Don't put it on and don't kill it." She stood again, making it partially to the door before Remus grabbed her arm once again and towed her back. "And you have to change your appearance – am I missing anything else, or can I get some tea?"

"Go get your tea, don't kill Mungdungus without calling us first," Remus smiled politely, ignoring the glare she shot him as she walked off, muttering about how she liked the older Remus a lot better.

"Yes! Finally, we're actually doing something!" Sirius crowed, grinning and flopping into the armchair, "I felt absolutely useless."

"Not really," James shrugged, "You're helping Hermia."

"She needs a nickname, by the way, I can't keep calling her that when it's not her real name," Sirius said as he stuck out his tongue.

"Well, it's probably linked in some way to her real name," Remus hummed, "Usually, people use aliases that are close to their given names, something that's different but not _too_ different."

"Well, what could her real name be?" James blinked.

Remus scrunched up his face for a moment, "Err…Hermia is the feminine form to Hermes, Shakespeare used it in _A Midsummer Night's Dream_…uhh, the only thing I'm thinking of that's close enough is Hermione, a character in _The Winter's Tale_, derived from Hermes as well, and in Greek myth she was the daughter of Menelaus and Helen."

The three thought for a moment before scoffing, chuckling and rolling their eyes.

"Who in their right mind would name someone 'Hermione'?" Sirius snorted before shaking his head, "Seriously though, any nicknames?"

James shrugged, "Why not talk it over with her?"

"Ehh, maybe," he shrugged back, flicking away a piece of lint on his trousers.

* * *

"Where's Remus, isn't he supposed to be here?" James questioned in a hushed whisper, creeping along behind the small, feminine form, the glow from her wand barely lighting his disguised face.

"No," she whispered back, "He's researching for me."

"Debating on who got the better job here," James murmured, missing her rolling her eyes and sighing at him.

"Definitely him," she muttered back before creeping closer to a window and frowning, "I can't see anything in there."

"Use your wand," Sirius instructed.

"Well I don't want anyone coming out after me," she huffed as he blinked.

"What, you mean someone _lives_ here?" The house was dilapidated, falling down and crumbling, and looked as if it had been abandoned for ages. Hermione nodded, biting her lower lip before carefully raising the window up and sticking her upper half into the room. Sirius hooked a finger through a belt loop on her jeans and tugged, using his other arm to steady her as he pulled her back through, "What are you doing?"

"Breaking and entering, what does it look like?" she frowned back.

"Look, you little cat burglar, this could be dangerous," he stated.

"I know that," she said as she stood and swatted Sirius's arm away, going back to the window, "Honestly, it's not like this is my firs ti-_ime!_" She gasped as she was pulled through the window by her hair, shouting out a panicked spell of _Incendio_, setting a chair on fire. Sirius and James dove forward, James grabbing one of her legs as Sirius stood on the ledge and slipped his way in.

"Mudblood," the man growled, finding the scar on Hermione's arm as Sirius grabbed her arms and yanked her back, worriedly eyeing the chair as James slipped through. "_MUDBLOOD!_"

Hermione flinched back against his roar, shoving Sirius and kicking James in the back when he shouted a spell, Sirius kicking the burning chair over onto him. James dodged and shot a spell of his own, knocking the man over onto his back as Hermione quickly bound him and knocked him out as Sirius put out the fire.

"Who's that again?" James asked, blowing his new shaggy blonde hair out of his face.

"Morfin," Hermione stated as she stooped down to check his pockets and around his neck for the ring, "Voldemort's uncle."

"Whoa, whoa, what?" Sirius questioned, pointing his wand at the unconscious man but blinking at Hermione, "We just took down You-Know-Who's _uncle_?"

"I don't think he's dead," she shrugged as she stood, moving through the house while Sirius turned to James and gaped.

"Your fake fiancé is bad ass," James stated simply.

"My fake fiancé is hot when she's a bad ass," Sirius amended, James snorting and rolling his eyes at him before they followed Hermione to a room in the back as she checked through drawers in a desk.

"If you were insane from generations of inbreeding, where would you hide a cursed ring?" Hermione asked, looking up at Sirius from her crouching position.

"Err…how old is this house? Might have secret passages in it or something," Sirius shrugged, "A lot of old Pureblood houses do."

"That was my favorite thing to do as a kid, go around hunting new places to hide stuff," James pointed out.

She sighed as she stood, shoving a drawer shut with her boot, "That'll take all night. We don't have that kind of time." She paused and bit her lower lip before eyeing the doorway, "Maybe it's that easy…." She held out her wand and murmured "_Accio Gaunt family ring_." Her eyes widened when an entire drawer shook and came flying at her head, ducking at the last second as it crashed against the wall. "But I checked that one!"

"It had a fake bottom," James said as he examined the contents, sifting through with the tip of his wand before flicking it and holding up the ring. Hermione grinned and grabbed a small pouch, slipping it around the ring from mid-air before she created a copy, repaired the drawer, and put it back in its proper place. Sirius went back to the living room to repair the burnt chair, Hermione erasing Morfin's memory as James untied the ropes around him and settled him on the couch. The group slipped back through the window, shutting it quietly, and walked back the way they came, vanishing their footprints as they walked.

* * *

"So, Kitten, what – "

"Whoa, whoa, pause that for a moment," Hermione said, turning her attention away from the ring – which was being held in a glass case far too big for it – and to Sirius, who was leaning against the desk the case was resting on, just like she had been, elbows taking the brunt of their weight. "_Kitten?_"

"I don't know your real name, I can't stand to call you something that isn't your actual name, and I'm big on nicknames," he shrugged. "You were a cat burglar last night; it's the only thing I have to go on since I know _nothing_ about you."

"That's contradictory," she pointed out. "A nickname isn't my actual name."

"Anyway _Kitten_," he grinned when she sighed and rolled her eyes, "What is so special about the stupid ring?"

"A whole mess of dark magic," she stated.

"Dark or extra dark?"

"'Bout as black as your last name."

Sirius gave out a low whistle, staring at the ring with a new interest before his eyebrows came down again, "It's boring."

"Of course it is – wait until we kill it," she grinned before she walked out of the room.

"Wait – how can we kill a ring?" he called after her, pouting at the doorway when he heard her laugh down the hallway.

* * *

**I thought about having Sirius's nickname for Hermione _be_ Hermione and then have the whole reveal about everything but that's not what I originally had planned and what I have planned is a lot more interesting than "hey Hermione what's up" "what the fuck how did you figure it out what the hell"**


	7. Don't You Worry There, My Honey

_"Don't you worry there, my honey / We might not have any money / But we've got our love to pay the bills / Maybe I think you're cute and funny / Maybe I wanna do what bunnies do with you if you know what I mean"_ – "You and I," Ingrid Michaelson

* * *

"_Shit!"_

Sirius cringed, but she quickly stood up and held her head up high, despite having been tossed into a wall. She shot a hex right by his ear, taking out a Death Eater that had been ready to attack. She made his way to his side and bit her lower lip, glancing at the advancing group before he nudged her shoulder with his.

"I'll take the ones on the left, you take the ones on the right?" he asked.

"Works for me," she sighed before dodging a hex and pulling him with her.

"So, tell me, what got a good little girl like you doing bad stuff like this?" Sirius questioned, hexing someone but missing and blinking when they dropped to the ground with their hands over their heads, blubbering.

She sighed again, rolling her eyes at him, "I don't think – "

"No, really, I'm curious, how did you make the transition for innocent little first year to – " he paused as she growled and pounced on a Death Eater, knocking him into the ground " – doing _that?_"

"It all depends on who you're friends with," she stated as she stood, dusting off her hands with a grin.

"Some friends," he hummed as she looked to make sure no one else was coming after them.

"Hey, kind of all I had," she said, poking his shoulder, giving a small smile. "I wanted to make sure they were all safe."

"You know, you're not some sort of mother bear – they can handle themselves, I'm sure," he said as he followed her to where they thought the exit would be.

"Oh, believe me, if it weren't for me, they'd probably have died in their first year," she said, "If not then, at _least_ their second."

"You have a lot of faith in them," he stated dryly.

"They never listen!" she exclaimed, sounding exasperated, "They never research, they never stop to think 'gee, I could probably get killed for doing this, let's figure out a way for that _not_ to happen!' It's all up to me and I can't take it all the time!"

"Whoa," Sirius blinked, lifting his hands and taking a step away from her, "Down, Kitten." He cursed when she was dragged to the ground, glaring and hexing the Death Eater before they had a chance to do anything to her, helping her up with a chuckle, "I didn't mean literally, but whatever. You alright?"

"I'm fine," she said shakily before letting out a huff of air as she stood, giving him a small smile before releasing his hand. "Thanks."

"Ehh, no problem," he grinned, slinging an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his side, walking with her like that, "What are fake fiancés for?"

* * *

"Holy shit, Kitten, wake up."

Hermione groaned and gripped her pillow tighter, frowning into the fabric as another presence made itself known on her bed. "Sirius. No."

"No, seriously, wake up – you have to go into town with Narcissa," he urged, making her gasp and sit up, eyes wide as he nodded frantically. She waved her wand, brushed her teeth, ran Sleekeazy through her hair and grabbed a dress before locking herself in her adjoining bathroom before coming out and wincing as Sirius's nose immediately wrinkled. "Too much?" she questioned, thinking the fifties-styled dress was rather cute.

"Nah, you just look like someone I would never agree to marry," Sirius stated dully before shaking his head, holding her hand as she hopped into her shoes.

"Why are we going into town?" she questioned, buckling the side of one.

"Shopping for something," he answered, grinning a little when he heard her curse. "Hey now, you're a Pureblooded porcelain doll – porcelain dolls don't cuss."

"I hate shopping," she groaned before sighing and pinning her hair up with her wand, grabbing a cloak and a purse before heading downstairs, Sirius following close behind.

"Hermia!" Narcissa smiled, standing just in front of the front door, giving her a quick, friendly hug before releasing her, "I do hope you don't mind me demanding to see you before even eight o'clock, but Lucius went on a business trip and it's so horribly _dull_, and I thought I might as well get to know you and find something worth buying along the way."

"No, I don't mind at all," Hermione smiled, shaking her head, feeling Sirius's hand on her back, trying to comfort her as her heart sped and whirled around, "Uhm, where would you like to go?"

"Oh, Diagon Alley is always so horribly crowded, there's a magical district just south of Paris, I thought maybe we could go and you could show me around."

Hermione's heart plummeted, but Sirius – thank Merlin and all deities for Sirius – spoke up, "Err, Narcissa, that might not be the best idea. See, a lot of people from Hermia's school don't like her. Pretend she doesn't even exist, really, it's sad."

"Oh?" Narcissa blinked, "Why ever for?"

"She's too smart, they didn't like being out-done," Sirius tsked, sighing lengthily, settling both of his hands on Hermione's shoulders, "Prats, the lot of them."

"Oh, you poor dear," Narcissa pouted before shaking her head, taking Hermione's hand and patting it, "Well, we'll just go somewhere else. Do you have anywhere in mind?"

"Oh, uhm – I hear Italy is nice," Hermione said, sharing a grateful glance with Sirius over her shoulder, as he gave a smug smirk and settled his hands in his pockets as Narcissa nodded and pulled Hermione away.

* * *

"And Bella got so mad! Sirius ran for dear life, screaming the entire way, and I was tugging on Bella's robes, trying to keep her from murdering him, when all of the sudden, Lucius pops out of nowhere and gets bowled over by Sirius – who, mind you, was a first year at the time, so was horribly scrawny, but was going quite fast – and I wasn't very keen to Lucius then so I laughed and laughed, and Bella stopped trying to kill our cousin and she blinked at Lucius – she hated him too – yelling and cursing Sirius to Hell and back and she just stood and whispered '_I'll be damned, the brat's good for something_' and well _that_ just sent me into a new fit of hysterics," Narcissa recounted, Hermia laughing, clutching her sides. They were outside a small little café, just over-looking the ocean, underneath a frilly umbrella with cups of tea. Narcissa giggled along, practically giddy at the idea of having a good, interesting female friend that wasn't too far from her in age, and continued, "I ended up sitting in the dirt laughing so hard that I couldn't breathe!"

Hermia breathed deeply, her cheeks aching. She hadn't expected to have so much fun with the older woman, but she was funny, and would be found muttering over an article of clothing about how ugly it was, rather than actually looking for something to buy. "What did Lucius think of this?"

"Oh, he hates when I bring it up," Narcissa grinned wickedly, "So I do. All the time."

"You must have a strange marriage," Hermia smiled, taking a sip of her tea.

Narcissa gave a heavy sigh, pouting just a little, "Yes. Strange."

Hermione arched an eyebrow. Shit. Fucking shit. Fuck fuck fuck. She was going to murder Sirius. She did not want to become a therapist. She cared too much. "Something wrong?" she questioned, hating herself for even asking.

"Well, it's just…" Narcissa bit a fingernail, eyebrows furrowing, "Lucius and I really don't get along well. We had an arranged marriage too, you see, and we both threw fits when we found out we were going to marry each other in sixth year. I wouldn't talk or even look at him the entire year. It's just…he's such a stranger to me – I don't know anything about him. I'm married to a stranger and I can't get him to open up, I don't know how."

Hermione set down her tea and placed her hands in her lap, as Narcissa continued.

"He's quiet and brooding and I don't think I've ever seen him smile," she stated, gesturing wildly, her voice getting a little higher in pitch, "We fight all the time at home and then when we're out in public we just put on this act and I can't live like this, really, I can't – Hermia, I don't think I even love him."

"Well how could you?" Hermia blinked, causing Narcissa to blink as well, "If you don't know anything about him, how could you love him? I hardly think you're that shallow to love someone for looks or money. You had a magically binding ceremony, yes? So a divorce would be rather scarring for both of you, let alone what your mothers would say." She tapped a finger to her lips, thinking, "I believe that with Lucius, a direct approach would be welcome, with a little bit of firmness, just enough to make him spill. However, if not, we could come up with something else – I don't quite know him well enough to make him crack. It will take time for you to love him, though, I can tell you that, it certainly won't be overnight. Plus, you'll have to let him know you too, and that can sometimes be the hardest thing anyone will ever have to do."

Narcissa was quiet for a few moments, taking all of that in, and Hermia bit her lower lip before the blonde woman broke out into a grin. "We really must keep in touch more often. I like you."

Hermia let out a sigh before smiling as well.

* * *

"How in the hell did you make my cousin like you?" Sirius asked.

"I'm just that wonderful," Hermione smiled back, sitting on her bed with him, leaning into the pillows with him frowning at her near the foot of her bed, out of her little disguise and into a pair of sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt. "By the way, I liked the whole 'not liking me' thing from this morning. Very nice."

He grinned, moving and sitting next to her, "Why, thank you, Kitten. But that was close. Mother almost went up to wake you." He pursed his lips, "You need to move out."

She nodded, wrapped her arms around her knees, staring up at the tall ceiling with him.

"I can talk to Lily and James, they'll keep you for as long as you want, and we can say you're living with me, my apartment has tons of wards, they won't be able to get in without prior notice, plenty of time to have you pop over," Sirius began, twirling his wand around in his hands before looking over at her, "When do you have to do the dangerous bit?"

She pursed her lips, "Soon."

He hummed, "Then you won't be living alone." She blinked over at him as he dragged his hands over his face, sighed, and sat up, "I better get home and write them before I forget. I'm fucking tired, Kitten. Moody really needs to take a chill pill, my God, we're not hamsters, we can't run on little metal wheels for the rest of time." He shook his head and smiled as she laughed, "Goodnight, I'll talk to you in the morning."

"Night, Sirius," she said, watching him grin before he walked out, feeling rather alone when he shut the door. She shook her head and curled up on her side, pressing the side of her face where Sirius had been, trying to get that warmth before it left with him.

* * *

**Wow, long time, no see, sorry. Also, I kind of like Narcissa, she did help Harry after all, so she won't be a bad guy. **


	8. And the Words So Sweet

_"It's like forgetting the words/ To your favorite song/ You can't believe it/ You were always singing along/ It was so easy/ And the words so sweet/ You can't remember/ You try to feel the beat…"_ – "Eet," Regina Spektor

**Sorry, I never did answer this, I don't think, but yeah – I'm a Whovian. Otherwise I am a poor misguided soul who has a blue police box as a teacup sitting on her bookshelf "just 'cause." (Although to be honest I probably would have one anyway like why the fuck not right?)**

* * *

"I don't know, Sirius," Lily called over the spray of the water, focusing on her task, her bright red hair pulled back as she worked, biting her lower lip, "She's a stranger to me."

"She's – well, she's not harmless – but she wouldn't hurt you or James," Sirius insisted, sitting on top of the railing of their front porch and watching as the Muggleborn witch washed her car. He wondered if Hermia was a Muggleborn and if she and Lily could bond over Muggle things before shaking his head and focusing on his own task. "Lily, please, she really can't stay at Grimmauld Place anymore, it's not safe for her."

She blinked and lowered the water hose, "Why didn't you say that in the first place? Of course she can stay!" She rolled her eyes as Sirius grinned at her, "Honestly, I feel sorry for the poor girl. Plunked down in another time, no friends, doing dangerous missions all on her own. Hey, what time _is_ she from?"

Sirius's face darkened and Lily blinked at the change, "Her and her freaking 'spoilers'! Dear God, every time she says that I just want to – well, I don't know what I want to do, but I know it isn't good!" Lily laughed and he glowered more, "Shut it, it's not funny, it's downright annoying!"

Lily snorted, "Please, I live with James. For some reason, cereal goes in the linen closet now. Not even in the box, just scattered around on a shelf."

"Oh, no, there's a reason for that, it's for these weird kind of moths. If there's not some sort of food, there'll be holes in your clothes," Sirius explained, "It's weird. I spent ten years of my life thinking that Kreacher was barmy for putting potatoes in our closets."

"Potatoes?" she asked in amusement.

He snorted, "Yeah. Mashed, fried, you name it, it was there. There's some sort of spell you can use now though, but it's extremely complicated magic, Walburga had to have someone come in to do it. I bet you could do it though. I'll bet Kitten could do it too, girl's wicked at magic, hard to believe she didn't grow up around it."

"You've already got the poor girl a pet name, and it's '_Kitten_'?" Lily remarked, spraying off her car.

"She uses a fake name, it's Hermia, and won't tell me her real one," he pouted before sighing, "_Spoilers._"

"Hermia's a pretty name. But then that must mean you meet her later on in life," Lily smiled as she turned off the water and stood in front of him, looking up as he looked down, "If she gave too much away, then the universe might just swallow itself. What's she like, anyway?" She hoisted herself up and climbed onto the railing with him, completely ignoring the stairs.

"Stubborn, smart, sarcastic, kind of bossy," he hummed before giving a small smile, "She cares though. A _lot_. You can tell. She's also kind of been through Hell and back and then gone _back_ to Hell on her own choice, but I'll let her tell you that one. Uhm…she's careful around people. Closes herself off around people she doesn't really know – she's more strict and soldier-like then. Me, Prongs and Moony can get her to loosen up though – part of the reason why I thought she could live here, apparently James reminds her of someone she knows." He caught Lily's pursed lips and grinned, "Relax, that someone is like a brother to her, she said so herself and in her stories, she's not going to make a move on Prongs. Uhh…she's just…her. She's really weird – for some reason I can just go with it though."

Lily blinked before giving a soft smile and curled her knees up to her chest, "She sounds great."

"Yeah, she is," Sirius stated proudly as Lily smiled wider at the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes. Most girls were just another girlfriend to Sirius, and very few ever made it to a favorable amount of respect with him. He would treat them with respect, of course, but only just enough according to his relationship with them. Lily, Marlene McKinnon and Alice Longbottom – wow, both of her friends were married, that was weird – had ever made it to a second sort of tier. This Hermia – whether she would appreciate it or not – had found herself into a strange sort of third tier that nobody had ever really fallen into, that could probably start to lean towards romantic affection.

"What's with the face?" Sirius asked skeptically when he saw Lily's frown.

"I just explained something to myself in a really complex way," she pursed her lips, "It didn't even make sense to me."

Sirius coughed before laughing, quickly turning it into a grin at Lily's glare before he yelped when the smaller redhead shoved him off the railing and into her bushes.

"Ugh – Lily!" he called out as she laughed.


	9. Scars like Knives in a Fist Fight

_"Well, I woke up to the sound of silence / The scars were cutting like knives in a fist fight / And I found you with a bottle of wine / Your head in the curtains and heart like the fourth of July / You swore and said, "We are not.. we are not shining stars" / This I know, I never said we are / Though I've never been through hell like that / I've closed enough windows to know you can never look back /If you're lost and alone / Or you're sinking like a stone, carry on / May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground / Carry on…" _– "Carry On," Fun.

* * *

"What the hell is wrong with you? Just don't get hurt – that's all I ask for, don't get hurt. And what do you do? Get hurt."

Hermione gritted her teeth and clawed at the ground, panting heavily as Sirius worriedly complained about her, gripping her shoulders as Remus tried to find where the pain was coming from, a pale James hovering and looking over his shoulders.

They'd been sent on a raid, Peter stuck at home nursing his mother, and so Hermione had gone with the boys, only to find that it'd been a trap. They were doing great, taking out a numerous amount of Death Eaters, and she'd shoved James out of the way of a curse. But this also meant that she'd taken the curse instead, and was now lying on the ground, bleeding and soaking her sweater with Sirius strangely showing that he was worried about her.

"She can't stay here long, they might be coming back," Remus said, "Plus, I can't see, I don't know how bad this is."

"Lily can help," James offered.

"Alright Kitten, here's how this is going to go," Sirius said, already shifting to lift her up. "You're going to grip on like hell, and we're going to get you fixed up. Alright?"

Afraid that she'd scream if she opened her mouth, she nodded and hissed when he lifted her up into his arms, digging her nails into his shoulders, making him make a noise from the pain before they popped away.

"Oh my God, what's going on?" Lily asked, already sitting up from the dining room table.

"Uhhh, Lily this is Kitten, Kitten this is Lily," Sirius said before looking to the redhead worriedly, "Can you fix her?"

"Set her down on the dining table," Lily said.

"Unconventional, but okay," he said, moving to do as he was asked as James and Remus Apparated in as well.

"Okay, so what happened?" Lily asked, grabbing her wand and cutting down the middle of Hermione's sweater. Had she not been in much pain, she would have protested, as this was her favorite sweater and she would rather not have Sirius see her bra, but then again there was a startling amount of blood there, so she just dug her nails into the surface of the wood and gritted her teeth so hard that she was sure her parents were cringing somewhere with no idea why.

"Shoved James out of the way of a curse, took it instead," Sirius said, running his fingers through her hair before he noticed her fingers gouging the wood. "Kitten, if it hurts, scream."

"What're you thinking?" Remus asked as Lily inspected the wound.

"What color was it?" Lily asked instead.

"I dunno – I was kind of facing the dirt when it happened," James answered.

Hermione sucked in a breath and spat out "_Red!_"

Lily's eyes widened, as did Remus's, "Shit, we need to move fast."

"Whoa, whoa, aren't you going to do that pain killing thing?" Sirius asked.

"No time," Remus answered before Sirius moved to grab one of Hermione's hands.

"If it hurts, focus on moving that pain to me, got it?" Sirius said, sucking in a breath the same time she did, already gripping his hand tightly. "Scream if it hurts. Get it out, okay?"

"_Son of a bitch!"_ Hermione yelled, gripping his hand harder.

"Like that," Sirius said as James moved to her other hand and did the same, giving Lily and Remus plenty of room to move. "So what's going on?"

"It's trying to eat at her from the inside out, the slices are how it got in, and how it's going to get out," Remus answered, flicking his wand much like Lily was doing. "If we don't hurry, it may be too late."

"_Aaaugh!_" Hermione screamed, her skin shining with sweat, gripping onto Sirius's hand just as tight as he was gripping hers, but she couldn't feel any pain there, as it was all gathered inside of her, burning away.

"Is there anything we can do?" James asked.

"Keep her awake, keep her getting the pain out," Lily answered, "It may help."

"Kitten, scream, make my hand bleed, I don't care, okay?" Sirius insisted.

"_Aaaugh shit! Fucking son of a bitch, I'm going to murder whoever did this!"_ Hermione answered, panting and unaware that James was slowly crumpling to the ground, mouth open in a silent scream for his poor hand. Sirius saw and gave a snort, shaking his head and somehow prying her grip from James's hand and onto his other one, standing behind her with both of her hands.

"Oh my God, James, you big wimp," Lily said, Remus cracking a grin.

"Merlin's pants, she's strong," James said, curling up into the floor, clutching his hand to his chest.

"You hear that? You're strong enough to make James fall to the floor, I know you've been through worse shit than this, you just have to hold on, okay?" Sirius encouraged.

"I'm going to murder you too," she hissed.

"Why?" he blinked.

"Dunno – sharing is caring, right?" she said breathlessly before sucking in another breath and lurching forward, Sirius's hands holding her back to the table.

"Shit, shit, shit, it's going for the heart," Remus cursed, Lily placing a knee on the table and quickly apologizing, placing the wand tip at her sternum and making a quick cut to get at the curse, maneuvering around bone and muscle.

Hermione's breathing was quick, gripping harder onto Sirius as James peeked over the top of the table to watch in muted horror. Lily backed away as Hermione released Sirius's hands and lurched forward, gasping and coughing and clawing at her chest, spitting out something that was moving. Remus grabbed a spoon and a pot and scooped it into the latter, throwing the red moving mass out of the window as Hermione slumped back against the table, breathing deeply and shakily while Sirius moved her hair away from sticking to her face.

"Oh my God, I can't believe we did it," Lily said, tilting her head to the ceiling as her hands dragged down her face.

"Holy shit," Remus agreed.

Sirius grinned down at Hermione as she lazily opened her eyes. "Nice bra, Kitten."

Hermione gave a small frown and reached a hand up to slap his cheek, James chuckling as Lily set to work on mending the skin back together.

"Pain potion sound good to you?" James asked, standing and moving through the cupboards.

"So very good," Hermione answered.

"Well, this wasn't how I expected us meeting, but nice to meet you all the same," Lily said.

"Same," Hermione gave an airy laugh, "Sorry about your table. And your pot."

"Bah, we can always get new ones," Lily waved her hand.

"Erm, Hermia, you want a shirt?" Remus fidgeted, apparently catching on that she didn't exactly have one.

"Hell yeah," she said, shakily shifting her sore arms to cover her chest.

"There's some clean ones in the dryer, just grab," Lily said. "I think there's some of Sirius's in there too." She gave him a pointed look while he gave a sheepish grin.

"Do you _really_ trust me with doing my own laundry? Do you _want_ to be friends with a bloke who's got hot pink shirts?" he questioned.

"Here, she can have Sirius's," Remus said, returning with a large, dark blue sweater, "There's probably been worse things on it than a little blood."

"Probably? I wore that during Hogwarts, so definitely," Sirius snorted as she shakily sat up and tugged it on over her head carefully, scrunching the sleeves up so that she could move her hands. "Can you walk?"

"Think so," she murmured, slowly slipping off of the table, only to stumble and reach back behind her for support. Lily grabbed her hand, Sirius following them to the couch as James came to give her the potion. Hermione took it, coughing before rubbing her temples with a sigh. "Wild night, huh?"

"Probably the worst we've ever experienced," Lily said as Sirius moved to sit next to her, looking at her worriedly.

"Oh, I'm fine, honestly," she snorted, curling up into the corner of the couch, the sleeves already falling down. "Like you said, I've been through worse."

"That's what scares us," James explained, shaking his head at her as he sat down on an armchair, Lily moving to sit on the arm of it. "That, and I'm pretty sure you crushed a few bones in my hand."

"Ahh, you'll get over it," she smiled with a wave of her hand.

"Now, see, this is nice," Remus said as he walked into the living room, grinning, "Here we have the actual engaged couple, and then the fake one. Can our viewers guess which is which? Tune in next week for the next installment of 'This Crazy Shit That Actually Goes on in Our Lives!'"

Sirius said up and looked at Remus in awe as he snorted and sat down in the floor facing them. "Moony…I can't believe it…."

Remus blinked innocently back at him, "What?"

"You _cursed_," James answered in horror while he glared at the two of them.

"Oh honestly, Hermia was cussing like a sailor not two minutes ago," he frowned.

"Well, duh, she's fake-engaged to me, she's going to pick up a few choice words," Sirius snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Son of a bitch!" Hermione said in surprise, playing along while Sirius grinned.

"Literally!"

Hermione snorted while Lily coughed, James and Remus laughing loudly before Hermione clutched at her stomach and gripped Sirius's shoulder.

"You bastard, this hurts!" she laughed, making Sirius laugh as well and reach over to rub her back.

* * *

**Sorry, long time no see. I've just been procrastinating and hit a major wall of writer's block and blah-blah-blah people are fucking annoying but we all knew that – ANYWAY I hope you all are well and I hope to hear from you *kisses your face* *gives you large comfy sweater* *backflips away***


End file.
